Get Better or Get Bitter

Hello!! Long-time, no see, right!?! As you can imagine, I've been super busy taking care of my little Luke. He is doing great for all he's been through. We've had almost every setback you can imagine! Let me just tell you a little of what this little warrior has gone through. When Luke was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukemia T-Cell on January 22, he had 367,000 white blood cells, normal is about 4,000-7,000. He also had a huge mass on his chest, so he wasn't able to get his port like the "normal" protocol. They had to do a PICC line in his leg, it was there for 3 weeks, and when they took that out, his leg got a huge blood clot in it! They started him on 2 shots of blood thinners a day (that I have to give him, UGH!) But, that didn't help his clot, so he had to go under a very risky surgery to remove the clot. They had never done this surgery on a child under 13 at our hospital. With God's provision and blessing, both the mass and clot are barely noticeable now! During the 29 days of high-dose steroids, it weakened his muscles and he couldn't walk or put any weight on his legs for about 3 weeks. He has regained his strength and is now walking and dancing again, praise God! Also, when we stopped the steroids, his body had adrenal failure, so we had to restart him on a lower dose steroid and wean him off for 6-8 weeks. You think that's enough, right?! Well then, when he was in the hospital for a fever, he got C-Diff, which is a stomach infection that causes diarrhea for weeks. It took 20 days of antibiotics, 4 times a day to rid him of that infection. All of that to say, it has been a VERY crazy 11 weeks! I have been thinking of writing this blog post for a couple of weeks now, so I decided to get my husband to watch Luke for a little bit so I write!

When you are faced with hard times, trials, broken relationships, cancer, sickness, etc., there are only two options, it will either make you get bitter at God or help you have a better relationship with God. Now this is not a one time choice, it is a DAILY choice. You have to wake up and choose to accept that God is in control, and trust everything He has allowed in your life.

For me obviously, choosing to get better has not been the easiest choice to make. It's much easier to blame, question, hate, and, get angry, but none of those things are of God or will help the situation. I was listening to a song the other day, and the lyrics said, "For You are for us, You are not against us." I had to really sing that and cry out to God and trust that He is for our family. He wants the best for us. He loves us. He made a way for us to be in Heaven with Him. He has blessed us.

When I focus on all the blessings God has given us, all of our "problems" fade away, and I can enjoy the present. Anxiety and fear settle in when I start thinking of the next phase of treatment, or the next 3 years of treatment. I get overwhelmed if I think of what will or what can happen in the next couple of weeks or months. I have to literally force my mind to focus on today. Focus on that God is good. Focus on that I have made it through 100% of my hardest days. Focus on that there is hope. Focus on that God can heal Luke.

That's how you get better in hard times. I truly pray none of you reading this ever have to face your child having cancer, but if you do, just know it will be ok. God will carry you through it, just like He is us.

Look at the smile on this baby's face. He is my hero.


God bless you all. ♥