10.04.2015

I Struggle...

This is a very hard post for me to write, so bear with me. If you have noticed, my posts have been getting shorter and shorter with less and less pictures and posts. The reason is because I have been struggling for the past 3-4 months. I have been struggling with fear & anxiety that has interfered with every part of my life.

The past 2 months it has gotten worse and worse, to the point that I am sick all day long sometimes. I have rapidly lost weight, and lost my joyful, fun personality. When this fear & anxiety started interfering with my daily life, I knew I had to somehow figure out to get it under control.

I want to share you with you some things I have learned with God's help that has helped me during this time of struggle:

1. I've learned that I am NOT in control. Ever since I can remember, I have been a complete control-freak. I am the oldest child, which might be why, but I like to be in control of all situations. I don't like surprises, because I'm not in control. I don't like spur of the moment trips or adventures, because I am not in control. Bottom line, God has had to break me down and make me know who is REALLY in control. With many tears and fighting, I am finally starting to realize I can't control every single thing in my life. God is in control and that's a good thing, because He is good and He knows best. Just the fact that I can say that calms me! When we have fear and anxiety, it's practically us saying that we don't trust that God is good and that he is going to take care of us!



2. I've learned that I can only worry about today! Did you know that God tells us to not worry about tomorrow, because today has enough troubles. "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof".(Matt. 6:34) I am a worry-wart. I worry about things I have absolutely no control over. The Bible tells us how to deal with the worries of each day, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." (1 Peter 5:7) This has helped me immensely. I can only worry about today, and when I start to worry about today, I just need to give it ALL to Jesus. Such peace comes from giving it ALL to Him.

3. I've learned NOT to place value on unimportant things. Although I LOVE clothes, makeup, and this blog. I can NOT place any of those items over God. When I do, that creates fear & anxiety. I can not place my child over my relationship with God, because that creates fear & anxiety. If my priorities get out of order, chaos happens. I must keep my relationship with God my upmost priority, and then incorporate God into all of my other daily duties. In the past couple of weeks, God has literally forced me to re-priortize my life, and I am starting to see the unimportance of things I held very important.

4. I have remembered how good God is. As I have been sick and practically just have laid in my bed whenever I'm home, I have had plenty of time to think about how good God has been to me. I am thankful for my salvation. I am thankful for my amazing husband, who has taken care of me and taken care of our son when I couldn't. I will never take my health for granted again. I have a new found compassion for those who have a chronic illness. It is really hard to feel sick every day.

5. I have learned to ignore the critics. Over the past couple of years that I've had this blog, I've had many bitter, jealous girls mock me, but more recently, I have had vicious, personal attacks to my mothering, my career choice, and my financial decisions. I would love to say that they haven't affected me, but they have. I still remember every hurtful word people have commented on my posts, although I've deleted it. My husband and friends have reassured me that they don't know me and I have to ignore them. But, for anyone who comments hurtful words, you can't take them back. Please choose your words wisely.

With all that being said, please don't try to play doctor. I have been diagnosed with IBS, and I am waiting on blood test results this week. Just pray for me. Pray that God heals my body and my spirit. Thank you for your love & support!

I saw this picture and loved it! I have implemented all of these in my home!

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I love this man and thank God for him everyday!
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Best Daddy ever!
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Here's some outfits that I've actually remembered to take pictures of over the past couple of weeks!

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Have a great week! God Bless ♥

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38 comments :

  1. I send you prayers for health, peace, and happiness. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. My thoughts and prayers are with you

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  2. Fear and anxiety is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit. You are under demonic attack when this happens to you. I have seen many cases like yours. I have been a missionary since my teen years. Next time this is happening to you out loud and with authority say this: " yahushua the Messiah lives and reigns in my life" say this until the fear has left you. Give it a try, you lose nothing by doing so. I will be praying for you. May the Creator bless and guide you.

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  3. Thank you for sharing and being transparent. I deal with major anxiety as well that has continually given me health issues. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on. I just want to feel "normal". I have such a desire to serve the Lord with everything I got, but this anxiety makes it so difficult. It helps to know that I'm not alone. I will pray for you. We can beat this with the Lords help.

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    1. I will be praying for you even though I don't know you. I have started praying for everyone that struggles with anxiety!

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  4. I have IBS, as well as celiac disease. I understand feeling horrible, emotionally and physically. I pray that God gives you grace to handle it and relief from the disease. Love your blog! You're a blessing to many, including me!

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  5. Praying for you, Lauren! You are such an inspiration. Keep letting Christ's light shine! He is our light in all darkness!

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  6. Who would want to criticize? I think your doing great. I suffer with anxiety too. It's not a sin when it's brain based , chemical problem.

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  7. 1. This post and blog in general has helped me tremendously! I enjoy not only seeing your outfit posts but also posts like this because I believe many, many women struggle with this area. I know I do!

    2. No one has the right to judge you, especially if they don't know you. There are just so many internet trolls today. I would say don't let it get to you, but we all know it will. Maybe take away your commenting section for a while and just start posting your heart. I know the fun part of blogging is reading comments but sometimes, you need a break and the ability to write whats on your heart and not have to hear 853757957238174894 opinions.

    3. I know you said don't play Doctor but my husband has IBS and he deals with it well. He has changed his diet and we drink teas and use essential oils to treat it as well as reducing stress in his life. It has helped tremendously.

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    1. I have been depending on the digest-zyn essential oil from doTerra! It has helped me tremendously!

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  8. I'll pray for you Lauren. I too am a big worry wart! Your ministry has touched some many lives. Even though we've never met, I can tell you are a genuine and caring person. Satan wants us to worry and be fearful. I've prayed the verse "be anxious for nothing" so many times. God hears our prayers. He is always with us and He will never leave us or forsake us. Take care and know you are loved by the God who created this world. You are loved by your followers as well. You are a blessing.

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  9. Thank you!!!!!! I understand completely!

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  10. I'm really sorry to hear that you are not well and I appreciate how honest and beautiful this post is!
    I struggled with fear and anxiety too (and panic attacks) and I can tell you that in some way they helped me tremendously, they helped me understand that I'm not Wonder Woman and it is perfectly fine to admit it, that it is perfectly healthy and often necessary to slow down and that God is in control of everything.
    I hope that you will get better soon!

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  11. I completely understand what you are saying. I have been there before. You are so right about our big God. I'm so glad He cares about all our problems. Thanks for reaching out to help others who are struggling. It was courageous.

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  12. Thank you so much for sharing this open, honest post Lauren! It meant something to me because I too struggle with anxiety. I had a bacterial stomach illness for a couple of years, but have also seen how anxiety can affect the body. Thankfully, I haven't had a problem with that aspect of it lately.
    I will be praying for you!
    By the way, the section on control was really good. I needed that today, as I'm trying to fix situations only God can. ;)

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  13. How brave of you to share your heart so that you can bless others. I know it's a different struggle, but I went through post-partum depression for the first time after my third baby. IT felt terrible feeling sad and sick all the time and feeling like the old me would be gone forever. I didn't talk about it because Christians are often very judgmental about these things, especially when you are the pastor's wife. I praise the Lord for his healing and restoring power. You will be in my prayers. Your ministry has truly blessed many others and we are thankful for you. Keep that beautiful smile.

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  14. Thank you for sharing! Just last week I too found myself crying out to God to help calm the anxiety welling up inside me. I think just even from reading the posts above, that anxiety is much more common than we realize in our generation. I can hardly listen to the news without feeling that fear creep up on me if I hear of another shooting, missing child, etc. I'm also an oldest child, and put a lot of pressure on myself to serve in many ministries, run a small business, work, go back to school for a second degree, and be a good wife at the same time. People comment all the time about us not having kids yet, but I honestly don't think I can handle anything else until I'm done with school, and I have to remember that God is in control and His timing is always perfect. Reading the Psalms always helps me release my fears, and also singing out loud and talking to my husband.

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  15. Oh sweet sister, I hate to hear this is happening to you! I myself have suffered with this and have IBS as well, my anxiety got so bad I started having seizures. Since this started I found a wonderful Christian Therapist that has become a mentor and second mother to me. She had helped show me how to fight this not only biblically but also with anti anxiety practices. I know it's different for every person but know that I am praying for your healing and for a spirit of peace to fill you daily! You are still a wonderful example even in your battle and thank you for that! Love to you and yours precious beautiful lady! God bless!!!

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  16. My friend, I am so glad to know that I'm not alone in this matter. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and have several anxiety/adrenaline problems. I know what it is like to look fine to others on the outside, but inside your body is struggling so hard to just take the next breath. I also know, that unless you have been in this situation, or know a very close friend who has, it is impossible to understand what you are going through. Thank you for your thoughts on this matter. You are not alone dear friend. I know it takes so much courage to share health problems like this. Thank you again and my prayers are with you!

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  17. Thank you so much for your honesty and bravery in posting this, I started following your instagram and blog when I began exploring the idea of modern modesty and the idea of modesty in general. But I have become so inspired by your joy, conviction and relationship with Christ. I don't usually comment on blogs but I wanted you to know that I will be praying for you.
    Ps as a fellow sufferer of IBS I feel your pain, I understand how chronic illness can take a toll. It's such a hard balance but I hope you find encouragement from others.

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  18. Linda Barrick HicksOctober 4, 2015 at 9:29 PM

    I enjoy Modern Modesty so much ......It has given me great ideas and great joy in my life and I thank you so much for making it happen.....You have been a blessing to me........I will pray for you......I have many dear young friends who struggle with anxiety......I believe it is epidemic at this time......So sorry......I just want to say how very much I have appreciated you...<3

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  19. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story. I have anxiety/depression and as time goes on, I find more and more of my fellow Christian mother friends that are struggling with similar things. I hope you are stronger soon and better able to function as you want to. Thank you so much for keeping your blog open - it's a big help to read it and others when I can't go out much with the children to be with friends in person. God bless you

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  20. Elizabeth WilliamsOctober 5, 2015 at 9:54 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us! I hate that you've been going through so much. I have a chronic illness that causes IBS symptoms, so it's not easy for me at all either. And I definitely struggle with anxiety over the things I can't control or change. Keep your head up and keep pursuing Christ daily! He will ALWAYS be faithful! You look great, by the way!

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  21. Thank you for sharing your struggle. It helps others to know you are human. Too often, we put others on a pedestal thinking their life is perfect. Letting your humanity show and your dependence on God to help you is a great testimony.

    Chronic illness is no fun and can be debilitating. You might try eliminating gluten from your diet too.

    l enjoy your posts so much. l hope you continue to get better.

    Love in Christ,
    Lisa S

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  22. Sending much prayer your way Lauren! Remember, God never gives us more than we can handle. He knows you are strong and it takes a strong person to admit their struggles. We love you!

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  23. I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well, and I can understand life with chronic illness...because that has been my life for the last four years with an undiagnosed neurological condition. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Also, if you ever get nauseous from headaches, peppermint essential oil is great. It won't get rid of the pain, but will definitely help calm the nauseous feeling.

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  24. You are at such a special place in your life right now! I understand that it doesn't seem that way, but it truly is. I spent the majority of my Christian live (I accepted the Lord Jesus as my Savior in 1980), Fear, uncertainty, lack of trust in the Lord's love for me and willingness to see me thru the hard times controlled and ruined my life. Only recently have I been able to move toward the Lord and away from my own emotions. You are so blessed to be able to address this now while you are young and have so much of your life ahead of you. The greatest blessing is knowing that Jesus wants far, far better for us than we even want for ourselves. And His way is best. Stay on your knees and keep looking up. Mrs. Doc Watson

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  25. I couldn't believe how perfect the timing of this post was for me! I started having anxiety problems for about a year. Nobody really talks about it, and I felt like I was just awful :( Thank you so much for your list of what you have learned and your positive attitude as always is a wonderful example. I'm listening to "Do You Have a Weak Spirit" by Bro Sammy in the HAC podcast. Its really lifting me up, if you get a chance please listen to it. I think the mesage will speak to you and anyone else struggling with fear too :)

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  26. I've never commented on your blog before but I wanted to let you know how brave I think you are for putting your struggles out there in order to possibly help someone else dealing with the same thing. You're a beautiful person inside and out! I've been praying for you :)

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  27. First, I hate to hear of your health problems. I hope you and your doctor(s) find the right solution for you to feel better again. Second, any of us who put ourselves out on a public forum like a blog are subject to a lot of unwarranted criticism. I don't understand that behavior. Women are especially tough on each other with it, but it takes a special kind of coward to hide behind a keyboard and criticize someone for things you have shared, like your decisions for the right thing for your family. I know reading hurtful things isn't easy- it takes a special kind of courage and attitude to deal with it. Good luck- haters will hate, but those who support us see us through.

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  28. Wishing you all the best and God's healing hand in all aspects of your life!

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  29. Your work inspires others. You have a fulfilling job and you get the opportunity to be a role model for so many of your pupils. Your husband sounds like a wonderful, supportive and genuine chap. Your son is beautiful. I'm not religious but I admire your faith and the passion with which you practice your religion. In the dark hours try and think of the people you have saved, the children you and taught and the happiness that you and your family have.
    Sadly, though, there's some people who want to bring you down. The only way to truly rise above it is to either ignore them or forgive them. I pity the haters. I hope they can one day find as much love, support and enthusiasm for life as you have.

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  30. Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment
    didn't show up. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again.
    Regardless, just wanted to say great blog!

    Review my page; fucker

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