Lord, Stay Close to Me

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I should have done this post 2 weeks ago, but you will understand why I haven't had time to post it when you're done reading this...

About a month ago, I was noticing that Luke wasn't acting like his normal self. Then, he started to not want to eat and then started bruising really easily. I googled his symptoms and my stomach dropped, I instantly felt sick as I read webMD explaining all of my son's symptoms are signs of leukemia. So his babysitter and I decided to take him to the doctors the next day. We took him to our pediatrician and she said it was probably just anemia, so let's get full labs done and that she would get back with me in a week. I knew I couldn't wait that long and my Mommy intuition was strong that this was something more than just anemia, so we took him to a pediatric ER and our fears were confirmed. Luke was diagnosed with leukemia. We weren't sure which type at that moment, but the ER doctors said we were going to be transferred to Shand's Children's Hospital immediately. When the doctors came in and told my mom, Luke's babysitter, and I that he had leukemia, I sat there with a blank look on my face, while my mom and Luke's babysitter were hysterical and crying. No emotions came out of me. I was prepared for that news, they were not. I didn't get emotional until I remembered that my husband was totally unaware. He was coaching a basketball game 2 hours away. I couldn't believe I had to call my husband and tell him that his whole world had cancer. It was the worst phone call I have ever made. He instantly started crying and I told him someone was coming to pick him up and drive him to the hospital.

I almost felt guilty for being so calm, while everyone else was falling apart around me, but I had a unexplainable peace that God would take care of our sweet baby boy. The next couple of days in the hospital confirmed that Luke had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL T-Cell Type). He also had a mass covering most of his chest. He started chemo the day after we got to the hospital. Luke is currently in the Induction phase of his chemo, which is 28 days long. My greatest fear was the well-known side effects of chemo. I asked everyone I knew to pray for Luke and that he would have mild side effects from his chemo. Thankfully, up to this point (day 19) he has VERY mild side-effects! Praise the Lord! Hopefully, I will have some time to keep all of my followers here updated. If you want a day by day update, please find me on Facebook and follow me (Don't friend request me, please! I don't accept people I don't know, but you may follow me), or follow me on Instagram (@lauren_modernmodesty).

God has been SO good to my family during this crazy life-altering trial. My husband and I made a list of some things we have learned in these first couple of weeks of our new-normal life:
1. God is good. He is good with and without cancer.
2. We looked to God instantly and He has never felt closer to us. "Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you."
3. We've never experienced the kind of "peace that passeth all understanding" until now. There truly is peace in this storm.
4. There is a lot of people who love our family and have showed us the love of God.
5. We have learned to wait on God. We don't really know what our future holds, but we know who holds the future!
6. God can use a little baby boy to soften hearts and turn people back to Him.
7. God always provides. He provides friends, family, finances, faith, & everything we need.
8. God is still in the miracle-working business.

I'm sure we will learn SO much more in the next months and years that we will be "fighting" this cancer, but our biggest prayer is that this is not in vain and God will be glorified as a result of all of this.

One thing I know for sure is that I don't know how someone could go through this pain and unknown without God. If you are not sure where you would go when you pass away, I BEG you to look at what the Bible says about how to get to Heaven. My son's cancer would be worth all the pain and fight, if just ONE person got saved as a result from it. Here is what the Bible says.

1. Recognize your condition - know that you are a sinner.
“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)
No person is good enough to go to Heaven on his own merit. No matter how good you are, you will still fall short.

2. Know that there is a penalty for your sin.
“For the wages of sin is death...” (Romans 6:23)
Just as there are wages for good, there is a punishment for wrong. The penalty for our sin is eternal death in a place called Hell.

3. Know that Christ paid the penalty.
“But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners. Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Christ’s love for us was shown when He died on the cross to pay our debt. He alone could do that.

4. Trust Jesus Christ as your Savior.
“...But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)
"That is thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Romans 10:9 and 13)

Everlasting life is a gift that was purchased by the blood of Jesus and offered freely to those who call upon Him by faith.

Let me help you in a word of prayer. (Realize it’s not mere words that save you, but it is your faith in Jesus Christ.)

Dear Jesus, I know that I’m a sinner and i deserve Hell, but right now by faith, I trust You as my Savior and my only hope for Heaven. Please forgive me for my sins. Jesus, come into my heart and save my soul from Hell. I’m trusting in You and You alone to take me to Heaven when I die. Thank you for saving me. Amen!

If you accepted Jesus as your personal Savior today, please let me know, by emailing me at laurenlambert_89[at]yahoo.com or commenting below!

I wanted to share some pictures from our hospital stay! We are currently out of the hospital, but since we live an hour and a half away from the hospital, we have to stay at the Ronald McDonald House. The house is such a blessing to us and makes our lives SO much easier.

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Our first night in the hospital. 1/22/16

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I love all the snuggling I get to do with my baby!

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My uncle got him this HUGE life size baby giraffe! It made him laugh so much!

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Our new room in the Peds Oncology Floor

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Still smiling even when he's fighting the greatest fight of his life.

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More snuggles!

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Scary port surgery was successful! Another answered prayer!

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Our first out of the hospital pic! Our new home away from home!

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A sweet lady brought her dog to show the kids at the RM House. Luke was SO happy!

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Our first outpatient chemo treatment!

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Our community has rallied behind us and has raised so much support for Luke's fight. We are humbled by the overwhelming love shown to us! We have a YouCaring account that was started by my parents that is almost at $10,000!

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My friend has also started a shop to get Luke Gear! If you are interested, you can get some here.

I will eventually get back to posting my outfits, but please be understanding at this time in my life! Please keep my baby boy in your prayers. Love all of you! ♥ I want to share a song with you that has been such an encouragement to me.

Lord, I knew a time like this would surely come my way
When in disbelief, I'd watch my whole life change
I thought I'd have the words to tell You how I feel
But the only thing my heart is telling me to say is

Lord stay close to me, as I journey through the darkness of this great unknown
Lord, stay close to me, though I've place my faith in You, I feel so all alone
My heart trembles like a child as I walk each scary mile
And the only prayer my lips can find to speak is Lord, stay close to me

I guess that I could ask You for some miracle
To even take away this trial that I face
But Lord, I know that You alone know what I need
So would You hold me tight as I journey through this place

Oh Lord, when I'm so scared, please be there, Lord
So I can rest in the promise, the promise that You care
Lord I know that I can make it through if all I have is You

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  1. I wondered what happened to you! I will pray for your precious boy!!!

  2. Praying for you! What a sweet testimony of the goodness of God, especially in our trials! Thank you for always being such an encouragement!

  3. Praying for you and your family, Lauren! I love that song too - He knows what you need and He will hold you tightly as you journey through this place!

    Whitney @ Come Home For Comfort

  4. Oh, how my heart was touched by your post. We are believers, and we know that our God hears the cry of our hearts even when we're not certain how to form our plea....only that we pray...as you said, "Lord, stay close to me." Praying for you.

  5. I will definitely be praying for your baby boy, and for you and your husband. What a scary time. Thank you for testifying of Christ through the pain!

  6. We have been praying for Luke so much and for you and Stephen. May you guys continue feeling HIS presence in a big way. <3

  7. I am so sorry you all and especially that sweet baby are having to go through this! We don't know the why in these things but you are totally right that we do know God is in control and that he will never leave us. I will be praying for full and complete healing of your sweet boy!

  8. Praying for you, your husband and your precious boy!

  9. I am so sorry! Your family and of course Luke will be in my prayers.

  10. Praying for you & your little family. I have three little ones & can't imagine what you are going through right now but thankful you can lean on Jesus & His strength!

  11. You've already been such a huge testimony to me through this heart-breaking story...I will definitely pray for Luke and you and your husband, and that the peace which you are experiencing will continue in your hearts as you fight this difficult battle. God is in control! Keep strong, girl! Tess

  12. I've been following your blog for a couple of years now, but I haven't commented much. I saw your Instagram post and immediately just felt sick for you, and asked my family to be praying. I want to say that we have been praying hard for you, your husband and your beautiful little boy. The grace that you have had through this inspires and encourages me so much.

  13. I enjoy following your posts, but you do not worry one bit about trying to post outfits and new content blog posts. Your family needs you, and your subscribers aren't going anywhere. Prayers and hugs to you, sweet sister in Christ.

  14. I will be praying for you, your husband and especially your precious son. I pray that the peace you are resting in now will continue throughout the battle ahead.

  15. I've been reading your blog for awhile now.. I don't usually comment, but I just wanted to say I that I'm praying for you and your sweet little boy!! He is so adorable :) -Taylor

  16. I know what you're going through. You all are in my thoughts and prayers during this trying time. <3

  17. I am also a long time reader; never commented. Please add my prayers to those of your family, friends and blog readers. God is able. He is good. Miracles happen today. Believing His word, trusting His goodness ... I look forward to any updates you are able to provide.

    PS This sentence ... should not be necessary. -----> "I will eventually get back to posting my outfits, but please be understanding at this time in my life!" <3

  18. I follow your posts but never comment; I just wanted to say I'm praying for you, sweet luke, and your family!!!

  19. Laurén, I've followed and enjoyed your Instagram account for quite some time now. My heart breaks for you at this news, but I know you're right that God has this in his loving control. May he continue to flood you with his peace and presence.

  20. I am praying for you and your family.

  21. I am praying for Luke & your family!!! Rosemarie

  22. Truly superb blog, I don’t have actual words to praise in regards for this
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  23. Really appreciate you post, it was quite an inspiration. I have to add something that I learned from my dad a long time ago. We are all human and we all make mistakes trying to make our way through life. If you practice being kind instead of being right, you will be amazed what doors will open up before you.

    Brendon Hudgins @ MedCare Pediatric

  24. We went through a similar thing with our daughter, and the amazing thing is that I had intense fear and anxiety issues for most of my life prior to the trial with my daughter. This was 6-7 years ago, and now that we are on the "other side" of things and have passed through the trial, I have a courage, confidence, fearlessness and faith now, that I never had before. I saw the Lord do amazing things and bring peace in the midst of the storm. I also drew nearer to Him than ever before. I am not happy for what happened to my daughter, of course, but I am forever grateful for how it changed me!! Glory to God!! Praying for you all :)

  25. My heart goes out to you. You have been faced with a parent's worst fear. I just wanted to share a personal story, and hopefully offer some inspiration. In May of 1995 my young cousin had just turned 5 years old. He was having some odd symptoms and every time my aunt brought him to the pediatrician, he brushed it off. Things like extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, easily bruising, pain in his groin, and just general lack of interest in anything. All he wanted was to be held, all of the time. I happened to babysit him the day before his diagnosis, and even at 14 years old, I knew something was very wrong. Finally, my uncle had had enough and took him to the ER and demanded tests. After preliminary testing, he was immediately sent to the children's hospital. There he was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia. It was devastating, heartbreaking news. But here's the happy part - after two tough years of treatment - chemo and some radiation - my cousin has been cancer free since age 7, and he is now 26 years old and has a son of his own. Your family will get through this!!! Our family walked through this nearly 21 years ago. I can only imagine the advances that have been made in treatment. I will pray for your family.

  26. I can't and don't want to imagine how you must feel, but your words have touch my heart and made me realize how blessed I am. I will keep you and your PRECIOUS baby in my prayers. God Bless you


I love to read your comments! Thank you so much for taking time to look at my blog! XOXO