My Journey to Modesty

Disclaimer: This post isn't bashing people who have chosen to dress differently than I do, I'm just sharing my journey to modesty. I truly believe modesty starts in the heart. Every one has different opinions on this subject, but since someone asked me, I'm sharing my personal journey. :)

I received an e-mail this week that I thought was very thought-provoking. I have been thinking about an answer for a couple of days and decided to answer it publicly. So, anyone that was wondering the same question can have the answer as well! :)

Here's the email:

Dear Lauren,

Just wanted to say what an encouragement your blog has been to me! I stumbled across it on Pinterest while looking for some new outfit ideas ( I feel like I’m in a perpetual “jean skirt rut”). Your blog is the only one that I follow that I ever take the time to read, and I always am encouraged by your modest style. :)

I think it is great that you are a first generation Christian and have standards; I am only a second generation Christian and so was raised wearing skirts and dresses. I have been thinking and would like to ask you, what drives you to be modest? Rarely does a newly Christian woman decide to submit herself in the way she dresses, I find that most skirt-wearing (for lack of a better term) Christians have been raised that way. Being that way myself, sometimes its difficult to stay focused on the real goal, and I find that it is hard to know where I draw the line. I am 23, been married for 2.5 years, and have two daughters, ages almost 18 months and 2 months. :) I want to be an example to the girls in my church of a happily modest (not frumpy) woman, but I really feel that I need to develop my own standards and know why I am doing what I am doing in order to present a real example of someone who is dressing for Christ because she wants to. I'd appreciate any insight you may have.

I thought the question what drives you to be modest was such a great question. I would love to give you a real, from the heart answer to this question.

Many of you have read my testimony on my post that tells why I wear skirts. That post was written for the people who didn't understand why I wore skirts and were truly curious to why I wore them.

But, I feel like this question deserves a different post, because this is coming from a lady who already said she wears skirts, but wants to know what drives me and what keeps me focused to stay modest in this very immodest world.

So to my fellow skirt-wearers (and sweet lady who e-mailed me this question),

I have noticed MOST ladies who only wear skirts were raised with that standard and either just kept it to "fit in" with the Christian crowd, or they truly made a decision to continue wearing skirts when they became an adult. As many of you know, and the e-mail above stated, I did NOT grow up only wearing skirts. I actually grew up the complete opposite. I wore skin-tight pants, super short shorts, mini-skirts, showed my mid-driff, etc. When I was 15, I made a decision to stop dressing immodestly. I found the only thing I could wear that covered my body modestly, yet was still trendy was skirts and dresses. There are a couple of reasons I chose and still choose to only wear skirts/dresses:

1. I believe showing my thighs is nakedness. I heard someone teach on modesty and they used a verse in Exodus (28:42), "And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach:" So, from that verse, I personally think showing your thighs would be showing your nakedness. Common sense also tells us our private parts and chest would be considered nakedness as well. So, from those two definitions of nakedness, I chose to cover from my chest to my knees. I believe that's where the knee length standard came from.

2. I believe skirts & dresses are the most feminine clothing option. When you go to the bathroom, what is the picture they use for ladies?

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The world-wide picture for the woman's restroom is a lady in a dress. Getting to dress up in a dress or skirt is something we should love to do! It was created for ladies ONLY! I believe we have such a problem with homosexuality in the world, because children are confused with their identity. Ladies are ladies, men are men. Femininity is a dying trait, and that makes me sad! There is nothing more beautiful than a lady who is confident in who God made her and she embraces her femininity.

3. I haven't found any pants that are both modest & in style. The jeans that are in style right now are tight. I think all jeans that are considered "cute" are very fitted and cup your backside, which goes back to the above standard, they are not modest. I just don't think they are the best option for modesty or femininity. :)

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People always want to say, well there ARE pants that are modest...but then I ask, are they in style though or are they feminine? Why be out of style and modest, when you can be in style and modest! :)

4. I believe it sets me apart. I don't know about you, but when I see a lady wearing a skirt, I think, I wonder where she goes to church. Now, obviously not every one who wears a skirt, is a Christian, but why not wear something that is associated with being a Christian. I want people to know I'm a Christian before I even open my mouth! I have had so many elderly people thank me for being modest. We are a "... a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;" (1 Peter 2:9)

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Now, on the flip side there are many people who grew up only wearing skirts and when they got out from under the "rules" they went to the tightest pants they could find. My husband and I were talking about why ladies do this. (I have to ask him, because I honestly don't understand why people choose the world over God. I left the world to go to God...and he grew up in the ministry with VERY strict rules, so he understands them better.) He says he thinks they want to wear pants because they just want to fit in. Because people that grow up in the ministry are sheltered from all the "normal" things.

If ladies are choosing their dress standards to "fit in" with the world...that's not a very good reason to do something! It's also "normal" to the world to sleep around, drink, smoke, do drugs, etc. We as Christians are supposed to be different. The Bible says "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate..." (2 Corinthians 6:17a) If we acted, dressed, and talked just like the world, why would the unsaved want to be Christians?

Remember to keep the main thing the main thing! Our ultimate goal on Earth is to win the lost! Christianity is not just a big list of don't do this, don't do that, it's also a big list of DOs! (The Bible) I have a HUGE burden for the next generation. Many of the kids I teach are NOT choosing to live for God, and I pray that we as ladies can be a great example of a Christian lady to them!

I hope that answered your question! :)

Now here's some of my outfits from this past week! :)

A Graphic Sweater Makes Everything better

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Sweater: JCPenney || Skirt: Old Navy || Chambray: Marshalls || Shoes: Payless

Lot's of Layering Love

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Shirt: TJmaxx || Gingham Shirt: Bass || Skirt: Ann Taylor || Necklace: Rue 21

Stripes & Leopard

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Skirt: Ann Taylor || Shirt: TJMaxx || Scarf: Charlotte Russe || Boots: Shoe Carnival

Designer Inspired

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Vest: Carsons || Shirt: TJMaxx || Skirt: Kosher Casual

Cobalt & Fuchsia

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Shirt: Ann Taylor || Cardigan: TJMaxx || Skirt: JCrew || Necklace: Charlotte Russe

Have a Merry Christmas!! God Bless

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  1. Really sad there isn't a point about what your husband wants you to wear..
    That should be our #1 priority.

    1. Well that is a given to me. Plus many ladies who read this aren't married. :)

  2. Lauren! Thank you for sharing your heart... I too am a first generation christian. I feel the same way you do. It was if I was reading my own thoughts. I love your blog. You truly are a shining light in this lost dark world. Praise God for you and modern modesty! I often show my daughters (10 & 9) your blog and fb page. I want them to long to please the Lord in everything they do. To live joyfully for him. God bless you sweet sister...
    Brittany Brown

  3. Concerned, Our #1 priority should be to please the Lord. By doing that we will please our husbands also. :)
    Lauren, Thank you so much for your blog!! I can't tell you how much it has been a blessing to me! Not only have you taught me how to find stylish, modest outfits in my own closet (I was in a major style rut), but you've reminded me why we do all this anyway. Thank you for taking the time to give such a well thought out and biblical answer! :)

    1. You're welcome!! Thank you for reading!!

  4. Lauren, I just wanted to thank you for your thoughts on modesty. I am also a first generation Christian. I chose years ago, like 20 to give God all parts of my life including my dress. It was the hardest thing for me to give God but ultimately surrendering this part of my life gave me freedom and an elevated place in life.
    I think the problem with ladies who are raised wearing dresses is that it never becomes their conviction but an expected action that soon falls away when they are no longer under the eye of their parents.
    Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know I totally agree and I'm glad you're a young lady willing and not ashamed to share your convictions.

    1. Thank you for your comment!! I totally agree!

  5. Wow, this is so good! I agree with everything you said! I never knew that you were a first generation Christian. But the reader was right, usually you don't see people who wear only skirts unless they were raised that way. I have been raised Independent Baptist. I can definitely say that that's a big thing for I.B.'s. A lot of them think that wearing pants is the worst thing you could ever do. Now, I wear only skirts, but I don't think it's the worst thing ever to wear pants. I think the worst thing would be if you wore only skirts but only wore them as a "rule" and not a conviction. I wear them because it is my heartfelt conviction. Plus, they are so feminine and I really do love wearing them! But yeah, when you wear only skirts, you get weird looks and weird questions, so I think it's hard for a lot of people. I know that if this wasn't a conviction for me, and it was just a rule, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Plus, skirts can be hard to find!

    1. Very true! The Reason I never question my commitment is because I made it with God. Never undo in doubt what you did in faith!!

  6. Oh wow, I love that "Never undo in doubt what you did in faith"! I am seeing more and more girls who are giving up modesty, and even though my heart's desire is that they would choose modesty, it doesn't change how I feel about it because I know why I believe what I do, and it doesn't depend on someone else's beliefs.

  7. Thank you for this post. I am a 3rd gen I.B., and i am very thankful for my Godly heritage. I grew up w/no pants, pj's, slits, sleeveless, or even culottes, and i saw countless teens graduate from the Christian school, raised the same way i was, and "go off the deep end". There was a period of about 4 years when my family "went a little off the deep end" and i wore all those aforementioned things. I personally chose to go back to the "old" standards when i was in the 10th grade. My mother told me, years later, that my decision and actions helped keep my family in church when my parents were considering going to a different one. So whether you are a 1st or even 10th gen Christian, your standards and beliefs can make a difference with even that toughest of audiences...your family. And if i had not kept those standards, i would not have married my husband...he would not have even noticed me. Choosing modesty is one of the best decisions i have ever made.

  8. You have a beautiful style and a great example to young women that dressing modestly can also be pretty, modern and feminine. I grew up with skirts/dresses as I was born into a conservative Christian family but had a few years of rebellion (which can happen) but I have returned to skirts and dresses because I love the fact that they are feminine and pretty (even black) and I look like a woman.

    My 24 year old niece lives in the USA (I'm in Australia) and she wears skirts/dresses to work and often received negative comments from other female staff that isn't always nice (whilst the males like the way she dresses). I have never received comments about only wearing dresses or skirts and when i do, it is always something nice.

  9. Lauren, what are your views as a modest woman on swimwear for ladies? Also coming from a first generation Christian. And out of curiosity, do you ever make exceptions for skirt wearing? By this I mean, if you are doing something that nine times out of ten is an outdoor activity that you wouldn't otherwise wear a skirt, what would you do (skydiving, hiking, skiing, rock climbing). I'm very outdoorsy and trying to stay modest at the same time.

    1. I wear Kosher Causal active skirts, they have leggings attached to them and they're super stretchy!

  10. Thank you so much Lauren! These are the same reasons I love wearing skirts! I am 19 and God began to change my modesty standards when I was about 14. I don't have any friends that have the same convictions that I do about modesty, which does make it difficult. I am also working on rebuilding my wardrobe so that I can wear skirts all the time. It's just the in between part that has been the hardest. With that being said, thank you for the encouragement that you provide! My name is Lauren too, by the way. : )

  11. About a year ago I felt the pull to wear k ky skirts and dresses but when I spoke to my mom about it she didn't like the idea and thought I was taking to modesty thing too far. None of my family wear only skirts. What would be some advice about making the transition?

    1. My parents were not for it either...but I told them I knew God wanted me to, so they supported me and helped me find skirts. Pray that your parents sorry you. Try going to the thrift store and checking on all the clearance racks.

  12. Thank you for a beautiful and inspirational post :) Your encouragement to keep dressing in a DISTINCTLY modest and feminine way is very timely as I have felt a bit alone and discouraged because pants are "normal" among the Christians around me (many of whom are precious friends).

    Appreciative, Christ follower,

  13. I feel I must own a chambray shirt or I may die. You dress them up so well. I ALMOST bought one at Target last spring and didn't. Now I know how to wear it after hanging out at your cute blog for an hour. Love your darling outfits and your heart.
    Teacher to the Core


I love to read your comments! Thank you so much for taking time to look at my blog! XOXO