I have a suggestion on how we can END "Mommy Wars," if we all just worried about our OWN homes, our own marriages, and our own children we wouldn't need to fight about our way being the right way. There is NO RIGHT WAY! God has a different plan for each household.
"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."
Matthew 7:3-5
All the comments on my last post, were ladies telling me I'm not raising my child by working, etc. I don't have to explain our situation, but I want to so you can understand why I do what I do! :) My husband and I work together at our church's Christian school. We get to be with each other all day, and when we get off at 3, Luke comes home with us and we get to spend the whole night as a family. If I chose another scenario, My husband could not be in the ministry working at our Christian school, which is God's calling on his life. He would have to work a second job, which would HURT him and our family greatly. My son & husband are inseparable. I love getting to have my family all together every single day, no late nights, no overtime, just 8-3 jobs, with the whole summer off!
Now, is that situation the same for everyone, NO! That's MY personal situation. I'm not better than you because I work, you're not better than me because you're stay at home. I had a all-natural birth center birth, but formula fed my son. GASP! I am half-crunchy, half real-life hits Mom! I do the best I can with the cards I'm dealt!
Right after my relationship with God, my marriage comes second. Children are an addition to the home. When they are 18, they move out, but our marriages have to stay strong for a lifetime! I hope as Christian ladies, we can learn to stay on our own "rugs". You never know a different Mom's struggles or situation, so don't judge. Be kind and encourage one another! We are all trying to raise Godly kids, so let's be great examples of Godliness to them!
Have a great week! God Bless ♥
Hi Lauren, I was in that "mommy war" and i just want to apologize if I said anything that made you feel bad. I have strong opinions when it feels like people are talking about SAHMs like we are lazy or don't do anything all day. I know now that you weren't doing that at all. I don't know if my comments hurt you, but if they did...please accept my apology.
ReplyDeleteOh NO, I feel the complete opposite! Being a SAHM is way more exhausting than working to me! You're awesome!
DeleteThank you for your honesty in both posts. As a mom and a teacher I agree that we get the best of both worlds, thanks to summer. I often tell my students "if you worried half as much about yourself as you do about everyone else, image what you could do". This seems fitting for mommy wars as well.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
ReplyDeleteIt is so sad to see women be hateful toward one another and put each other down instead of building each other up. It is all too easy to hide behind a computer and spew hate toward someone you have never even met. I've read the comments, and some of them were downright vicious - I am so sorry that you had to endure that. What women need to realize is that not every situation is the same, and not every family is the same. At the end of the day, you and your husband are the only ones who know what is best for your household. Haters gonna hate I guess.
ReplyDelete- Katie Forsyth
themodestheart.blogspot.com
This post is amazing. I recently left a career of 13 years to be a stay-at-home mom (the past 10 years have been with children). I shared your financial need for two incomes, and it took us many years to become debt-free and learn to live off one salary. Although I wish I could have entered the SAHM phase sooner, there were lessons to learn and hearts to change in the interim. We are all in different phases of our lives at different times. Please don't dwell on any negativity. Your current teaching position is a ministry in itself, and no one should take that lightly or dismiss as unimportant. I've recently started feeling convicted about skirt-wearing and modest clothing, and you've been such an encouragement to me! I love your comment about marriages needing to last a lifetime, while children will eventually leave the nest. What a powerful thought. You seem to have wisdom beyond your years, so keep seeking God and walk the path that is right for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your encouragement! You're too sweet!
DeleteI've been following your blog for awhile, I see that you truly care for your husband and son and try to do the best you can. Every family is unique, there is not a "one size fits all" formula;
ReplyDeleteGod bless
Amen! I'm so glad you see that I'm trying to do the best I can, I appreciate that! :)
DeleteOH Lauren, I went back and read the post and I am so saddened by the comments. I agree with your post 100%. My husband and I made a decision before we even got married (in premarital counseling with our pastor) that when we had kids MY HUSBAND would stay home and I would work. It was NEVER a desire of mine to stay home with kids. We are both teachers and it made sense that he would be the one because it was his desire. That was the choice for our family. We prayed about it and felt peace about it. However, we were met with some criticism. It was like everyone else knew what was best for our family more than us. We wanted FOUR kids. The funny thing that happened was that we faced infertility. Therefore, we are 48 and childless. However, we have a strong peace about it. We were going to adopt but God kept closing doors and we could never get on the same page about it. Finally, at 36, we prayed together for wisdom of when to "stop trying" and both wrote down an age we wanted to stop trying to have kids. We both opened our papers at the same time and wrote "38" on our pieces of papers. We felt a complete peace and a few weeks after my 38th birthday my husband had a vasectomy. Some people freaked out about it because they felt like we wore doing something wrong. Did I want kids? YES! Do I regret now that I don't have kids? NO! Because I know that God in His infinite wisdom have used my husband and I as a support system for others in our lives. If we had kids, we could not have done a lot of things we have done for other people. I have a steady stream of kids in my home. God has used us to babysit for couples that don't have any family members that live in our city. We provide free babysitting services to family members and friends. Yeah, at times, it's more than just babysitting. We've been able to help people in a bind. However, now that I'm in middle age, I'm enjoying my life without kids. I can do what I want when I want and it's awesome. Family decision are extremely personal and it's that...YOUR decisions.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, I have a much younger sister (She's 30) and when she had her first child, she breast fed but did not enjoy it. Therefore, with her second child two years later, she decided she did not want to breast feed. Several family and friends gave her hard time. The lactose consultant at the hospital was giving her hard time to the point that I stood from my seat and asked her to leave and not come back. She basically called my sister selfish. Who is anybody to make that decision for her family? It's what she and her husband felt was best for their family.
The Mommy Wars thing is absolutely utterly ridiculous. Women need to support each other!
AMEN! God is going to bless you for helping so many people! They are blessed to have you! :)
DeleteOh my! I just went back and read just a few of the comments on your other post and I am appalled! I am so sorry that you had to encounter all that negativity when you were trying to encourage other moms. I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband and I are always quick to say that "it's what works for our family." Let's just all do what God wants us to do and let everyone else worry about themselves. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I don't think you needed to explain your post. As women or even Christian women, we need to build up rather than tear down each other. I am in the same boat as you, (my big guy doesn't work with me) but I work 8-2pm, summers off, and some Fridays off!! Do I wish I was a SAHM, yeah, but my calling is working with children. God gave me a gift and I will use it!
ReplyDeleteI think more people were upset with your attitude towards staying home with your child than they were about the fact that you work outside the home. It is necessary for a lot of moms and I haven't seen anyone denying that. The only "negative" comments I have seen have been encouraging you to enjoy the time, and isn't that something you would agree with instead of getting defensive? Maybe if you were less concerned with frivolous things and affirmation from others you would find more fulfillment at home. I'm not a mother yet but I hope and pray that I never feel the way you did before taking a class to learn how to enjoy staying home with your baby.
ReplyDeleteI didn't say I didn't enjoy being with my son, I said I didn't like having no plan or purpose to my day. Aka. I don't feel accomplished sitting on the couch and playing with my baby all day. I said I was going to stir crazy. I guess you probably would have to be in my situation to understand. I'm sorry you didn't understand my point.
Delete"I'm not a mother yet" says it all. Sorry ames32 but you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about then.
DeleteWow, it is so sad to see women tearing down other women! Lauren, I appreciate your ministries (being a christian, marriage, mothering, teaching, modesty) and classy response to negativity. Katie ^^ hit the nail on the head with the thought that it is easy berate someone on the computer and then hide behind the anonymity choice. I appreciate your modesty and witness to this crazy world!
ReplyDeleteThank you Ainsley!!
DeleteI have 2 boys 3 and under and work full time because we can't financially afford it right now for me to stay home. That was our original plan, but funny how plans often change :) Next year we're hopeful to be in a situation that allows me to stay home with the kids. There are family friends who applaud that and some who think that's an unfair burden to my husband. But because we feel that this is the best decision our family, the criticism doesn't sting so much :) At the end of the day, if it works for your family, who cares! :) I found the previous post refreshing! Not everything about motherhood is easy or enjoyable, and anyone who says otherwise is not being truthful. Good for you and for all moms who have found what works for them! :)
ReplyDeleteHey! I admire your lack of fire at all the comments! You have a way of diffusing arguments instead of firing them up!
ReplyDeleteMy mom worked as a boss at a full time job from about 8am to 5 pm while I was in preschool and lower elementary school. Some nights she had to work till 7, 8, or 9 (occasionally, usually that was, I think, about once a week.) However, who was the person I was most excited to see when she came home? Mom. Who was the person who would take a day off work to come to the zoo with me on my class field trip? Mom. Who was the person who spent evenings listening to my school troubles or driving me to violin lesson talking about the latest and great est school happenings? Mom. Who could I count on 100% even though through most of my life she was working either outside the home or working a job inside the home? Mom.
As I've grown up I've taken a different route. I am a Homeschooling mom but I feel that is my calling and the door is open to do that. However, I know the dread of the day seeming soooooo loooong! Once I began homeschooling it put us on a schedule which helped tremendously! I can truly say a schedule helps me enjoy my children more and I think it helps them too!
Thank you for your blog. I don't officially follow your posts but I check it everyday so I guess I unofficially follow you!
Angela in Cheyenne, Wyoming
Lol... She thinks SAHM's just sit on the couch and play with their babies all day. Whew, so much to learn. Lol!
ReplyDeleteNo Cindi, I don't think that. But, I'm staying at my Mom's house for the summer, so that's all I can do. I can't go through and reorganize her house for her. I understand we cook and clean as well. PS that's what all moms do, not just SAHMs, so that's why I didn't add that to my list.
Delete:-) Uh-oh, now I hope people don't start thinking that we teachers only work from 8-3, haha!
ReplyDeleteHa! ;) I wish! I'm already planning my classroom decorations!
DeleteBut I thought that was what you were saying, Lauren. That you were only working from 9 to 3 each day.
DeleteI actually do, but I am really good at managing my time. I have never brought papers home to grade or any of my books home. I have two free hours a day to get ready for the next day.
DeleteHaha i was wondering the same! I am a teacher in a Christian primary school in the Netherlands. And i work fulltime. I am most days at work from 7.30 untill 5.00! In a week ore so my baby will Come and after christmas when my maternity leave is ending I will work three days. We Just can not afford one of us te stay home. So i will work three rays and my husband four. For him its also important to be home with our Child one day in the week!
ReplyDeleteLaurén,
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right. Each family is different and God has a special, unique plan for everyone! I do not have kids yet and I am also a middle school teacher. I'm not sure if I want to stay home or not yet, because during the summers I also go stir crazy! (I was at school re-doing my classroom all last week!)
Thank you for your opinion! Don't let these people discourage you. You're doing your best and you have a great Christian family!
Bethany
Before I say anything I would like to preface that I do write this with fear and trembling. I in no way want to hurt anyone but more so I do not want to dishonor the Lord in word or deed. I am a stay at home mom. I have five children and I home school them. We do this because we believe it is what God's word mandates. Deut. 6:7, 11:18-19. We believe that we have a great and heavy responsibility to disciple the next generation that is frequently being neglected by the church. That responsibility was given to parents , not Sunday school teachers or pastors or school teachers, but their parents. God says in His word that His method of doing this is intense discipleship, always talking about Him,His word and His works all the time with our children as we wake up lie down go to the store, make dinner, change diapers, or teach math and sentence structure; all point back to God His word and work in this world. I know there are some who do need to work for a season, but I do believe that the goal should be to have as much intense time with our children as possible doing this work. As much quantity time not "quality" time. We need to very carefully evaluate if we are working for needs or wants.
ReplyDeletePlease understand that I do not wish to offend anyone, but I do want to challenge thinking if that thinking is unbiblical and I hope that you ladies would do the same for me in love so we can all reflect Christ more purely. I have seen a lot in these comments a live and let live or to each his own attitude this is secular humanism to believe that there is no objective standard of truth. that applys to all things. He has given us all we need to know that pertains to life and godliness. He has set the standard and we do not have the right to deviate based on our own feelings. our decisions need to be made with prayer AND the Word of God. We also need to be gracious and not berate or belittle those who cannot stay at home because of need or consequence. We are all sinners in need of much grace, but just as we believe God has set an objective standard of femanine and modest clothing but still has broadness to exhibit personal style He has also set objective standards for parenting that will look different for each family but will still contain the same principles.
Please know, I love you all my sisters and hope that this if it challenges or upsets you that it challenges you to greater godliness (which might mean extending grace to me a flawed and feeble human).Thank you for your time. Charity~
My husband and I were actually just talking this. I totally understand how you feel. I feel the same way about teaching my child about God first hand. But, my husband brought something to my attention that I never even thought of...he said it's not really fair to compare ourselves to homes in the Bible. For one, majority of the Mothers in the Bible had maidservants to cook, clean, and help with their kids. We don't have maids. multiple wives, or servants to help us, so it's not fair to compare our lives to theirs. I think we should try to do the best we can with what God has blessed us with.
DeleteLauren, you are doing a lovely job of encouraging women to be feminine, lovely, and creative even as they are loving and serving their families and others. I'm sure your husband is proud of you as a wife, mother, and co-laborer. I'm also sure that the H.S. girls in your school are learning many good things from you! Your responses to others here have been very gracious. It's true -- we DON'T know everything about how others live. I can understand somewhat, as my husband and I both worked in the Christian school as we were raising our 5 children. Our youngest attended K4 and afternoon nursery there, so we all went to school together and came home together. The wages were so low, my husband also moonlighted to make ends meet. We didn't take vacations and ate out, maybe, twice a year. (Our children are now grown.) It sounds to me like both you and your husband are working steadily and creatively and finding joy, besides! May God continue bless and multiply your varied ministries and income endeavors. Oh, your "remixables" list is wonderful. Sharon
ReplyDeleteLaurén, I'm so happy for you that you and your husband have the opportunity to work short days and spend a lot of time together as a family. I live in a small european country, which allows parent's to take 3 year maternity/paternity leave after each baby. Since I have had my daughter (soon 5 years), I've been a SAHM, working full-time, working part time and I love that there's options!!! Now we are thinking about having baby number two and the plan is that I'll stay at home for the first year and then we either both work 3 days a week and my mum helps with the kids or I work full time and my husband stays at home. (in here kids go to school when they are 7)
ReplyDeleteI have been reading american SAHM/mommy blogs to keep up with my language skills and I have always found it so WEIRD that some mums who stay at home write "my husband works 60-80 hours/week to support us, so I can stay home like I'm supposed to do according to Bible...". That's crazy. Dads are important as well!! The should also get to be with their children!! And there are women working outside of the home even in Biblical times and even back then other people (likely older women ans servants) taking care of the children while mums worked in garden/fields etc to produce food and clothing. Much blessings to you and your family!